Sunday Affucknoon.

i am bored. bored. bored. and bored! I'm starting to get bored with 2 mo nths of semester break that I've been looking for once upon a time while classes still went on. But now i frigging realised that 2 months of semester break is awfull. Late night sleeps, fast foods, lying around, mood swing, money-less, sleeep again, chocolates and many many crimes. Shit. I need to go to class, ironically.

While I was lipating my loads and loads of washed clothes, it came to my mind that how a person can change their hearts and feeling to others with a single blink. Imagine this, you spent your days and nights, u share your food together, u share secret jokes that only u and him understands, u share ur money together, share toughts together, beds, and some certain couples share virginity together would actually be a beiggest enemy at one certain of time. U used to share a heart for few years, and less than a minute, you broke the uncountable years u've shared for something/someone new. Tragic right?

Sunday is boring. Gotta attend baby shower later at 3. Malas nyee.

I love u, but i have to leave you.

I'm not sure of what I just did yesterday night was right or not. Was i in my lunatic mind or civilise mind? Was i thinking deeply before i even blurted it out? Trust me, I am not sure myself. It could be WORDS that I'm faking it. I'm such in a mess now. A HUGE MESS. Stuck between confusion and feelings. Falling in love is easy, but to really really feel loved, i cannot imagine this is gonna be hard.

I can say that, I wasnt ready for a serious relationship. A friend told me to just 'go with the flow, and see how things gonna end. You're young and u dun need serious relationship. Just hop around'. I'm sorry, im not that type, anymore. I used to be that when I was 18, but now, when I'm gonna be 20 this year. I need a serious relationship, the one that have future, and something memorable to share. Love, happiness, care.

I know my decision hurts, but it hurts as much to me too. It's hard to let go someone who i loved, but somehow i just had to, just to avoid cheat, and forcing in the future. I dont want to force myself to love someone, because this is hypocrite and I don want to cheat my partner under closet. I'm scared if this will come in the future. Like i said, i love you, but i dun think i can love u more. I do care for you, n I miss u like crazy. I feel like hugging u when i see you. it just that, one thing that bare in my mind : I cannot go on with this relationship. And that worries me.

I am still figuring out. It's a tough one. I want to make sure that I wont regret it. SIGH.SIGH.SIGH.

Hard

When u try to stop thinking of it, it is actually getting started.

Melted Ace

In relationship all u need is trust. Is it? If we trust a person, but they don't appreciate that and still stab u hard from the back, I guess u should start call yourself stupid. I guess this is hard and pain. That's my point of view. I don't believe in trust, but I do believe in instinct. My instinct is always right and I won't doubt it, and it strikes again, for me to think deeply.

H1N1

Yesterday, I wen out to Pyramid with Sheeda and my cousin, Anep. We went there just because Sheeda & me wanted to get this top at Topshop. Sadly, there's no tops that we wanted in that outlet. So we moved on, and helped my cousin out to get this chic who works in Topshop for her number. So i was kinda pretending to check out man's clothing for my bf it seems. Trust me I was soooo freeking malu when I entered the store for 4-5 times in less than an hour. Bodo la Anep! But, finally nasib baik lah he managed to get that chic's number. Berbaloi jugak la.

Today, woke up early, at 8am, to fetch mum in airport. I was so excited to see what she bought for me. Waited there, checking out people, listened to my music, for an hour cuz mum said the flight will land around 10.30 but actually nearly 12. Apelah, ma. But,whatever, berbaloi tunggu sebab i just loooooove the bag she bought for me! It's red, that's why.

Oh bummer, I read newspaper today while waiting for mum, it is said that a Malaysian dah kena penyakit selesema babi tu. Beware, frens. Prevent is better than cure. Be really aware and clean. Bye!!

How?

"DOGS NEVER BITE ME. JUST HUMANS"

Marilyn Monroe

I get hook or got hooked?

"You are cheating to yourself, and you are being hypocrite"




sigh.

it hurts so much, but those words are fucking true.
All this while, I'd been cheating myself, and forcing, to do so.
He is right, just tell him/her right infront of his/her fucking face. IDK!

Happy Mother's Day

Mother,

I love you so much. U are so wonderful. I am grateful that I have you as my mother, pretty woman!!! MMUAAHHHHHH!!

Hit the right balls, with the right cue.

Some says, in order to be loved and care, you have to give the very best of you to others and you will get back in return. I guess not. It's full of bullshits and lies. I desreved to said that because I'd been through it, and somehow I'd learned something that can make me more wiser, and be a deep thinker, and a fighter. Im not talking about a fighter who fights with fisthand n kicks, but a fighter who fights for her ownself using only her rational brain, and wisdom words.

I have my other half with someone, hoping he can keep it and lock it, so that it wont pop out and make its way to somewhere scary. I hope you are taking a good care of it.

I've learned a lot this semester 3 and Im glad that it was over and I am looking forward to be the best in next sem. I managed to organised my life, assignments, dramas, boyfriend, lunatic ppl and few of hell of obstacles this semester. That shows I am matured anough and I am leading it to a better position.

Despite the bad behaviors and bad unhealthy weekend I usually had, I did not interfere it with my academic. As u said, study hard, party hard, play well. I hope I will score a bull eyes and won a jackpot.

I hate you, but i have to save that.

I dont care what you wanna think when reading this. But, I write what I think I should. After all, it's my blog, and my diary. Ok, tbe2 je I am sooo freeking JK today. Suddenly. Just because I found out something that stoke directly to my left heart, squeezing and soaking the blood dried and left it empty and I end up running a few drops of tears on my face. It was a natural response, I didn't made up my tears.



It's so stupid of me to really bother of those things. I should just let it go and live life ahead and think forward. Yea, if its as easy as i said, then I wouldnt even care less, but the fact is, it's hard and it has brought such a big huge gigantic impact in my life. I admit that I'm sad and hurts for knowing that, but heck, there's nothing I could do to bring the shine and the clarity out of it. I should just let it pass, and shut the fuck up about it already.



It's funny when I think about it, where I could actually being sad and cried for something that is impossible. It is possible actually, but for the mean time, I have to close my eyes, empty my brain, pause my feeling, and be a plain numb. A reeeaalll PLAIN NUMB.



I can't imagine how someone could actually make u soooo happy, feel like flying, and all u can see are just multi colors and roses and chocolates, could actually make u feeel shitty, cried, hurt, and, all you can see was just black and white and dead colors. Salute to you. U made my day. U made me happy, and u made me sad. I don't know wheter to love you or to hate you. Bye.

FREEEEE!!!!

Living in a confusion, is hard yet fulls of upcoming drama. Please wait for the climax and the ending. It will release soon.

********

Harini, dah habis paper Journalism yang lahar gileeee ok! But, I managed to answered all of it it was just that I am not really sure about my answers. Asal pass dah la. Sumpah taknak repeat Journalism. Lecehhhh kottt kalau repeat subject nie. Dahlah byk gila complicated and tiring assignments. DIE la if repeat.

Harini jugak aku dah habis SEMESTER 3!! And I am a Part 4 student already this coming 2 months! Yayyyy! Cuti lama gila, 2 months ok. And rasa macam nak kerja but dunno where la. Maybe with daddy but ntahla, gotta ask him again. Pekerja dah terlebih cukup kott. Hehe. I need money to shop and pay my bills, SO i HAVE to workkkkk! Nak jadi independent, it seems.

So, yeah I need to doze off, and have my beauty nap. tata!