I'm not sure of what I just did yesterday night was right or not. Was i in my lunatic mind or civilise mind? Was i thinking deeply before i even blurted it out? Trust me, I am not sure myself. It could be WORDS that I'm faking it. I'm such in a mess now. A HUGE MESS. Stuck between confusion and feelings. Falling in love is easy, but to really really feel loved, i cannot imagine this is gonna be hard.
I can say that, I wasnt ready for a serious relationship. A friend told me to just 'go with the flow, and see how things gonna end. You're young and u dun need serious relationship. Just hop around'. I'm sorry, im not that type, anymore. I used to be that when I was 18, but now, when I'm gonna be 20 this year. I need a serious relationship, the one that have future, and something memorable to share. Love, happiness, care.
I know my decision hurts, but it hurts as much to me too. It's hard to let go someone who i loved, but somehow i just had to, just to avoid cheat, and forcing in the future. I dont want to force myself to love someone, because this is hypocrite and I don want to cheat my partner under closet. I'm scared if this will come in the future. Like i said, i love you, but i dun think i can love u more. I do care for you, n I miss u like crazy. I feel like hugging u when i see you. it just that, one thing that bare in my mind : I cannot go on with this relationship. And that worries me.
I am still figuring out. It's a tough one. I want to make sure that I wont regret it. SIGH.SIGH.SIGH.
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